It’s true. The Florida heat is no longer playing around. May was nice in St. Petersburg. We had several cold fronts to spare us from the impending summer heat. And even one decent weekend in June when the humidity dropped low enough that the heat was quite bearable. But as we march toward the summer solstice, Florida is now officially sticky, hot, and oppressive.
And with the heat come my summer behavior modifications. I will no longer walk 4 blocks to dinner. And no, it’s not because I might be wearing heels; it’s because unless we’re dining in a sauna, I won’t be socially acceptable by the time I arrive. I’ll be sopping wet. I’m not kidding. I’m one of those ‘lucky’ gals who inherited her father’s over-active sweat glands. Oh you ladies out there, don’t nod your heads like you know. I have NEVER met a woman who sweats like I do. Within 20 minutes of being outside in the summer (no, not exerting myself, I could just be sitting outside), my hair will start dripping off the ends. My undergarments will be so wet they can be wrung out. My makeup – waterproof or not, will be sliding down my face. You’re imagining a lovely, feminine site now, aren’t you? It’s awful. I’m crazy jealous of ladies who can lunch outdoors during our summers and look fresh as a daisy. And men — just so you know, I realize you may sport sweat-soaked clothing in the summer, but it’s just not the same. Instead of looking like a ‘sweaty-Betty’ (ick!), you look ‘manly’.
But I digress. Back to my summer behaviors. I mentioned Ubering to dinner. Also, no more outside meals. Bike-riding ONLY as exercise to be followed immediately by a shower. Hair elastics at my fingertips wherever I am so I can pull my hair up off my hot neck. If I DO have to walk places, I tactically plan my route so I can duck into air-conditioned shops along the way. About now you’re probably thinking I have a screw loose. And honestly? I’ve always wondered why I’m so affected by the heat. Over time, I’ve chalked it up to heredity — NOT — as Richie Coldcuts says, that I’m just a baby! And although this article reeks of vanity about how I look when I’m hot, there are also physical effects. I get so hot that I feel like I have heatstroke. I used to get nauseous when I mowed our lawn as a teenager. To this day, I hate the smell of fresh cut grass! I know — everyone else loves it. So, I’ve resigned myself to being indoors, drinking lots of ice water and shunning picnics until November. One other lovely relief from the heat I’ve found are these posts of ‘snow porn’ offered on one of my fave websites. Ahhh — bring on the snow!